*VULVA: The external part of the female genitalia, which includes the outer and inner lips and the clitoris.
The purpose of a vulva massage is to experience pleasure and promote arousal and sexual desire. Relax and enjoy. This is for the woman’s pleasure, the receiver of the massage. However, the partner, the giver of the massage, may also experience great pleasure from the experience…and from witnessing her pleasure.
Focusing on pleasure rather than the goal of an orgasm often leads to arousal and sexual desire. And it’s perfectly okay if it doesn’t!
Sexual arousal is a natural result of being present and letting yourself fully experience pleasure and eroticism.
If you’re the receiver of the vulva massage, focus on the feel of your partner’s touch and the sensations in your body. Be completely present. Your goal is surrender to pleasure.
Give your partner useful feedback by communicating your preferences. For example, “touch me more softly”, or “try moving your finger in small circles around my clit”.
Being receptive and responsive to receiving pleasurable and erotic touch is essential to sexual arousal.
Be mindful by focusing on the pleasurable sensations you are experiencing, and eliminating distracting thoughts. Sometimes our thoughts get in the way of our arousal and sexual pleasure.
Allowing yourself to relax and receive, and surrendering to the delight of touch is a gift that both you and your partner will enjoy.
A vulva massage is designed to give your partner a pleasurable and sensual experience, without any expectations.
Don’t try to give your partner an orgasm. Orgasms are great, but many women have difficulty getting aroused or experiencing orgasms if they’re trying to have one, or feel an expectation from their partner to have one.
Be completely present and give your full attention to your partner. Be aware of her responses.
Start by gently massaging and touching her body, including arms, legs, torso, inner thighs and buttocks to increase her relaxation.
When she’s relaxed and slightly aroused, proceed with the vulva massage.
Begin by slowly and softly stroking or massaging her mons and labia, at first avoiding the clitoris. Do not insert your fingers into her vagina.
As you massage, pay attention to her non-verbal cues (moans, breathing, body movement). Listen to her feedback and learn her preferences.
To add to her pleasure, massage her clitoris by gently rubbing and stroking its entire surface.
Break up the massage with some kisses or body massage, gently touching, kissing or massaging her inner thighs, buttocks, and torso…unless she tells you not to stop.
A vulva massage can be a stand-alone pleasure session for connection and erotic exploration. It can also be the prelude to penetrative sex or intercourse.
Either way, a vulva massage is a gift for your partner and a bonding experience for both of you. And a great way to increase a woman’s arousal and sexual desire.
If you want to learn more about female pleasure and techniques, go to OMGyes, a great resource based on science for women and their partners.