Written by Dr. Lori Buckley
If you are married or in a long-term relationship, chances are that your sex life can use a boost, and one effective way to improve your sex life is to schedule sex dates.
I almost always advise my clients to schedule sex-dates because there are so many benefits to knowing when you're going to have sex. You might be thinking that scheduling sex sounds unromantic or unnatural, and that can be true. It's how you think about it and how you plan it.
Almost everyone can remember looking forward to seeing someone you liked and anticipating having sex with them. It was something to look forward to...and life is better when we have things to look forward to!
Sometimes in long-term relationships, sex becomes something we don't look forward to, and this is exactly why sex dates work. If you are constantly feeling pressured to have sex, or if you're constantly feeling rejected, sex becomes less enjoyable with time. Stress, anger, exhaustion, and sexual boredom can also cause sex to be unsatisfying.
Scheduling sex means that you can plan for sex to make it more enjoyable. Do you feel more in the mood for sex in the morning or in the afternoon, or after a shower, glass of wine or an intimate conversation with your partner? By knowing when you will be having sex, you can plan it to work with your personal preferences.
Now sometimes sex becomes infrequent when one partner has no or low desire to have sex. Many of us think we have to be in the mood to have sex, so we wait until it's the right time or both partners are in the mood. Unfortunately, that rarely happens, and both partners suffer in their own way wondering when they are going to have sex.
And it's important to remember that many of us (especially women) need to be stimulated before we get aroused, and we need to be aroused before we feel like having sex. Sex dates give us the time and space for arousal to happen.
Planning sex dates can also be fun. Having conversations about things, sexual positions or toys you'd like to try on your date is half the fun and can add to the anticipation of the date. However, it is also fun to have the option of spontaneity. Just because the time is scheduled, it doesn't mean everything has to be planned.
While sex dates may not be for everyone, most couples enjoy the benefits of knowing when they are going to have sex. It is also letting each other know that they and your relationship is a priority in their life. Don't we always put important events on our calendar?
I encourage you to give it a try! And please let me know how it goes!